Want to try bottoming or just get better at it?
So, I really like sex. Like I must say i really like it. And, since you’re homosexual, you like it, too. Unless, you’re a virgin, in which case, you really love your right hand. Making love, whether you’re straight or gay, can be considered a very difficult thing. If you’re a virgin, you’re probably considering, “Am I a ready?” or “May be the guy right for me personally?”. If you’re a slut, you’re thinking, “How can I be better?” or “Will he ever stop phoning me?”. The answer is hard to find. But, I’m here. So take that last swig of your Appletini and get ready to learn how to attain the greatest sex for you as well as your partner. Bottoms up, bitches!
First, for all you inexperienced, homosexual sex is anal intercourse. Which means, a dick will go inside your ass. And if you are the person who takes the dick, then that means you’re a bottom level and your partner is a top. Are we all caught up to speed? Great! Shifting. Your anus is a very delicate area. I mean it takes all of your shit everyday so no wonder why it’s delicate. I’m funny. But, just because your anus is sensitive, don’t hesitate to explore the realms of probability when it comes to pleasuring yourself. The first two steps are for the inexperienced. If you’re a filthy, little skank, then move onto third step.
1. If you’re a virgin or curious about bottoming, begin by slowly pressing your finger right beneath your balls, or your taint, and move south till you are feeling your finger enter your ass. Make sure your finger is lubricated – my own fave is Vaseline because it’s a great starter to sexplore your body. As your finger enters your ass, play around. You are able to move it inside or just rub the outermost part of your gap – or as I love to call it, your man clit. If it doesn’t feel good, then you’re dead or just identify yourself a rigid top.
2. Once you’ve popped your own cherry, next stop is to brace yourself. For all you virgins, your anus is very restricted and small. To get accustomed to getting a dick up your ass, you’re going to have to purchase a masturbator. Buy for yourself a dildo or a vibrator that is small and slowly work your way up to a size that is not comparable to an Asian male organ.
3. Once you’ve experienced something up your butthole, the following point you have to learn is how to be the best bottom ever. The first rung on the ladder in doing this is understand how to douche. Nobody wants to fuck a guy with dingleberries. You are now ready to understand how to clean yourself. You can find two ways: 1. You can purchase a douching package or 2. You can clean your opening yourself. If you’re the person who would like to go the economically-safe route, then you want to understand how to douche your opening yourself. There’s a method that I’ve learned from Bryan Boy whenever we used to look at it like dogs at the park. When I was fucking him (I’ve been blessed with being flexible), I noticed that his gap was clean as shit – no pun designed. Once I came, I asked him his secret. He explained that he gets a drinking water bottle with a flip-top spout, fills it up with water, and fits it as close as he can to his gap and then squirts water involved with it. I’m being totally serious. (But, gays, don’t do that if you’re not comfortable – choose douching kit normally.) After he squirted his opening with water, he’d jump around until the drinking water was clear appearing out of his asshole. Genius! So do that before you fuck. You don’t want to be known as the “2 Women 1 Glass” guy. Believe me.
4. Once you’ve cleaned up, the next part is technique. Everyone’s asshole is shaped uniquely so therefore you’re going to have to steer the guy about how to fuck you. First, always utilize lube (and a condom, of course). Lube is what’s going to keep your ass from chafing. Personally, i suggest Eros lube, but again I’m a pretentious fuck. Get KY if everything else fails. Once you’re all oiled up like pigs at country fair, you’re ready for penetration. When the man first enters you, let him poke around and feel you inside. The very best sex has got to be passionate so let him connect with you. If you don’t have connection or don’t at least act passionate, the sex will suffer like Lindsay Lohan’s career. So, following the both of you make a connection, you have got to then act like a prostitute and maneuver your ass and kind of force through to his dick. Next stop after hooking up and interest, is dirty and raunchy. You have got to do your dance on his dick – to quote Tyga – or ride his dick before position feels right. Work his dick in to the form of your rectum and soon everything will feel like euphoria.
5. The minute you learn to back again it through to his dick, you and your partner will feel amazing. The fifth step to do now is to work your own penis. Don’t just forget about yourself now. As your bouncing back and forth, gradually drop your upper body downward and press your upper body onto the bed to where only your ass is in the environment. Once you do that, you’ll see that your male organ is wedged in between you and the mattress. Together with your body slipped downward, your ass up in the air, and your torso thrusting back and forth, you’ll notice yourself humping the bed which is incorporating your own penis into the combine. When you have this going, you’ll prepare yourself to cum therefore will he. You can always jerk yourself off, too, if you want to. If you’re fucking while standing up, you don’t want to be pressed against a concrete wall structure and hump that. So, plainly, while the guy is fucking you and you’re riding him like the cowboy you are, you can simply just jack port yourself off. Or if you’re fired up your back again with your hip and legs in the air, the only option is to jerk yourself off. Duh.
6. TALK DIRTY! There is nothing hotter than hearing the reaction from fucking someone. If you’re not a talker during intercourse, then at least moan and scream. Do something. Normally you’ll be as boring than a Lana Del Rey concert. You are able to go from stating, “Ok last one! That’s right! Yeah, baby!” to “OH MY GOD! YES FUCK Me personally! FUCK Me personally BABY! GET IT DONE JUST LIKE THAT! YOU LIKE MY TIGHT Gap? DO ME REALLY DIRTY! YOU MAKE Me personally WANT TO CUM!” Blend it up if you want, but, never, I repeat, NEVER stay silent in bed. That is clearly a major turn-off.
7. Cum. And let him know you’re heading to cum. There is nothing sexier than hearing someone say, “Oh my fucking God, you’re going to make me cum.”
8. Reject his phone calls for the next week until he realizes that he was just an one night time stand and you simply needed you to definitely fuck while your boyfriend was out of town. Okay, I may be personalizing upon this one.
Once you follow these steps, that man is going to want to go to all the marriage equality rallies so that he can legally put a ring on your finger and wife you the fuck up. I know this from first hands experience, I mean, why else do you consider the HRC is present?
